Second Marriage after 23 years of being Single - Part 2

Short phone calls or long phone calls continued. Request to meet in person was the next step and making sure that the meeting was scheduled for a cup of coffee or lunch was the best consideration. If the "in person" contact wasn't as expected, then you could escape quickly. I would share my experiences with co-workers and friends; and we usually would laugh after comments like "you have to be kidding". One of my best examples was the following:

After reviewing my match's profile, I was excited that we practiced the same religion, enjoyed some of the same activities, and he wasn't a smoker. I talked to Mike for a couple of weeks and enjoyed hearing about his seven (7) grown children. We had similar age-related interests including music and movies. He chose internet dating because he was shy, didn't enjoy the bar scene, and wasn't interested in the swarming church women as he was a widower.

Mike and I decided to meet at Outback for dinner on a Friday night, and then go see a movie. When I approached the door, there was a gentleman sitting on the bench with a bouquet of flowers and smoking. I was surprised when he jumped up, quickly smothered his cigarette and handed me the flowers. I suggested that I would put them in my car as I didn't want to bring them into the restaurant (a little obvious) .... but, he followed me to the car, so I couldn't escape.

We went into the restaurant and was seated in a booth. During our initial conversation, I questioned him about smoking and he proceeded to tell me that he was trying to quit -- after smoking for 30 years! As our steak dinners were served, I was horrified to look across and discover that Mike didn't have upper teeth. He grumbled that he broke is plate a couple of months ago and hadn't been to the dentist for a replacement. Imagine sitting across from someone eating a steak without upper teeth!

I turned to see the hostess seating two women and a gentleman next to us. To my horror, I discovered the guy was one of my co-workers in the IT department. I couldn't look at him as I feared I would burst out laughing.

Mike and I continued to get to know each other and I asked many questions; so he would take more time. I glanced at my watch to make sure we would miss the movie we were planning to see; and it worked. After the bill came, I apologized that we would not be able to see the movie and I really wanted to get home --- alone.

Monday morning, my co-worker came to my cubicle and without a smile said, "you can do better than that". I agreed and didn't see Mike anymore.

There were several other meet and greets; and I dated a couple of them for a year or more each. During the time that I dated, I did not continue my internet dating subscriptions .... that is important! After each break-up, I needed a few months to regroup and figure out my next strategy.

The last strategy was to sign up for eHarmony --- yes, the cute couples who found each other and appear on the television ads. I met three guys on there and we talked on the phone, etc. One lived in Bloomington, IN, one in Indianapolis, IN, and the last one was in Georgetown, IL. I was scheduled to meet all three of them in one week -- mainly because my 3 mos. subscription to the service was expiring. Mr. Bloomington was OK, but the type of guy who wanted a long-term relationship. Mr. Indianapolis was great fun, but there were a few red flags -- a few years younger but never married.

Then there was Mr. Georgetown, IL .... and I didn't really want to date anyone who was outside of Indiana, but I took the chance and drove 1-1/2 hrs. to meet him at a Home Show where he was a vendor.

The story has a happy ending .... we married 20 mos. later -- that was 14 mos. ago.

Since I had been single for so long, the reality is I questioned my decision for the first six months of marriage. We went to visit a counselor for four sessions --- but, what he and I really needed to do was communicate better and learn how each of us does that. I needed to relax in the new relationship, surroundings, etc.

Any relationship needs nurturing, patience, and individuals who are willing to work at it.

Second Marriage After 23 years being Single - Part 1

When my only child left for college, I decided it was time for me to begin the search for my "life long" partner. I started looking while I pushed the shopping cart in the grocery -- reading that I should change my pattern and shop on Friday nights. I also thought about going to the laundromat, even though I had a perfectly good washer and dryer. Some other fleeting thoughts included joining a Single's Dance group, taking up golf for the first time, and going to a baseball game by myself. If you do the things you want to do as a couple, didn't it make sense to try it as a single -- and maybe someone else of the opposite sex would be there too? No.

Confided in my friends circle that I was interested in getting out there and dating pushing the 50 year mark. Family didn't offer any names or suggestions. I caught myself looking at my co-workers or people in the elevator where I worked.

I heard about "internet dating" and that seemed appealing. So, I ventured out there and completed my PROFILE. The hardest thing was to write your eye-catching phrase which would entice interested single men to view your profile. I was honest and expected the same. Not so in the real world .... Married men are lurking out there. Men also post photos that are 20 years old!

Part of the game was to get to know each other by email communication; and then move into verbal communication over the phone -- cell phone -- never your home number; but I didn't know that rule.

Stay tuned for Part 2.