City Girl Moves to the Farm

Over a year ago, I married and moved 90 miles west of Indianapolis, where I lived for more than half of my 58 years. My condo on the northside of Indy sold quicker than expected; so the wedding was pushed to the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The movers were scheduled to arrive on Tuesday. During the past 90 days, I decided what was going to the new destination -- the Farm. Furniture and other items were sold and donated. But, of course, there were many "things" that I couldn't let go -- so the boxes were filled.

Moving day was a bit hectic, especially for the two cats who didn't understand the strangers and being kept in the Master bathroom. After everything was loaded into the truck, I loaded the felines in their carriers and into the Subaru. The 90 minute drive was quite vocal to say the least. Drugs were not recommended, but I questioned that during the long drive.

We arrived to their new home; and quickly secluded Lilly and Felix in the new Master bathroom. The truck arrived and unloaded the condo until dark. My first night as a newlywed was spent in the guest room with Lilly and Felix -- all three of us exhausted after the day's happenings.

The smells of the other three cats were familiar as they have smelled them on my overnight bags and on Lu's overnight bags. All five of the cats knew each other's smell, but have not seen one another. They finally met face to face the first morning. Felix and Lilly wanted to get out of the guest room and check out their new territory. Gabby, Tony, and Midnight were anxious to see why the guest room door was closed. When we all emerged, there was silence and sniffing. I was truly amazed that there wasn't growling and fighting, especially since my cats were considered "indoor and declawed".

Much time was spent watching and waiting for me, and unpacking.

Over the next few months on the farm, I realized that I couldn't run to Target to pick up a few needed things like picture hangers. The closest Target was 45 minutes highway driving from the Farm. The closest CVS is about 20 minutes away. The closest Wal-Mart was 35 minutes away and that is "small town" driving with traffic lights every other block. My world has changed and I needed to figure my priorities and make "lists".

Shopping as I knew it was not going to be spontaneous! No more being bored and running out to shop for something to do ... especially when gas prices have climbed so high.

Some of the things that have drastically changed since the move from the City:

• Planning meals better because the local IGA doesn't always have what I need; and the Meijer is 45 minutes away from the Farm.
• Planning scheduled service for the Subaru in Indianapolis -- regular oil changes handled at Toyota just 15 miles away.
• Speaking of driving -- instead of putting 9k to 10k miles on my car annually; now, I rack up 18k to 20k annually. More scheduled service appointments and more oil changes!
• Meeting the girlfriends for a quick drink after work -- scheduled on my days I go to Indy office.
• Hair appointments -- I tried the small town beauty parlors; but needed to come back to updated professionals who I could trust for my color and styles. Now, I have to schedule those with my days in the Indy office.
• COSTCO -- closest is in Indy -- so, my visits to Costco are now "scheduled". Do you notice a pattern here? Schedule!
• Technology -- yes, the Farm does have computer access; but it took me a while to figure out the best solution to connecting with my office via VPN. We thought DSL would work just fine; however, it dropped throughout the day causing me to be stressed. Downloading email with attachments took too long -- I would go downstairs from my office and get a cup of coffee or a glass of water. Changed over to Wild Blue satellite connection, and it was more stable except when clouds arrived; and it didn't do well with VPN. This was not explained by the installer; but it was explained by the Customer Service folks. I suffered with Wild Blue (and DSL as backup) for one year (contract). Just before the contract was expiring, I was investigating alternatives ... T1 line would cost over $600 per month. Comcast wouldn't come this far from the closest "city" -- 10 miles away, even when I promised to PAY them the cost of installation. So, my husband talked to Verizon wireless and brought home a high-end router with the wireless plug in. I have been happy and productive without disruption for the past three months!
• Dumpsters are wonderful -- especially when you have your own! As everyone knows, our society has a lot of trash. Farm folks do try to separate glass, cans, paper and food products. Yes, we do not have a disposal. I tried -- purchased three large containers to separate -- and made trips to the recycle bins loaded with the containers in the Subaru. Then, the dumpster arrived when we were doing home remodeling. It has never left the property. I drive the trash bags down to the dumpster; but I know I need to get back in the recycle mode and "burning trash" mode. It simply is more work.

To be continued with topics like:

• Our new environment
• Farm animals
• Farm community
• Farm equipment
• Speeding on the farm roads
• Waving to everyone
• Post Office

Second Marriage after 23 years of being Single - Part 2

Short phone calls or long phone calls continued. Request to meet in person was the next step and making sure that the meeting was scheduled for a cup of coffee or lunch was the best consideration. If the "in person" contact wasn't as expected, then you could escape quickly. I would share my experiences with co-workers and friends; and we usually would laugh after comments like "you have to be kidding". One of my best examples was the following:

After reviewing my match's profile, I was excited that we practiced the same religion, enjoyed some of the same activities, and he wasn't a smoker. I talked to Mike for a couple of weeks and enjoyed hearing about his seven (7) grown children. We had similar age-related interests including music and movies. He chose internet dating because he was shy, didn't enjoy the bar scene, and wasn't interested in the swarming church women as he was a widower.

Mike and I decided to meet at Outback for dinner on a Friday night, and then go see a movie. When I approached the door, there was a gentleman sitting on the bench with a bouquet of flowers and smoking. I was surprised when he jumped up, quickly smothered his cigarette and handed me the flowers. I suggested that I would put them in my car as I didn't want to bring them into the restaurant (a little obvious) .... but, he followed me to the car, so I couldn't escape.

We went into the restaurant and was seated in a booth. During our initial conversation, I questioned him about smoking and he proceeded to tell me that he was trying to quit -- after smoking for 30 years! As our steak dinners were served, I was horrified to look across and discover that Mike didn't have upper teeth. He grumbled that he broke is plate a couple of months ago and hadn't been to the dentist for a replacement. Imagine sitting across from someone eating a steak without upper teeth!

I turned to see the hostess seating two women and a gentleman next to us. To my horror, I discovered the guy was one of my co-workers in the IT department. I couldn't look at him as I feared I would burst out laughing.

Mike and I continued to get to know each other and I asked many questions; so he would take more time. I glanced at my watch to make sure we would miss the movie we were planning to see; and it worked. After the bill came, I apologized that we would not be able to see the movie and I really wanted to get home --- alone.

Monday morning, my co-worker came to my cubicle and without a smile said, "you can do better than that". I agreed and didn't see Mike anymore.

There were several other meet and greets; and I dated a couple of them for a year or more each. During the time that I dated, I did not continue my internet dating subscriptions .... that is important! After each break-up, I needed a few months to regroup and figure out my next strategy.

The last strategy was to sign up for eHarmony --- yes, the cute couples who found each other and appear on the television ads. I met three guys on there and we talked on the phone, etc. One lived in Bloomington, IN, one in Indianapolis, IN, and the last one was in Georgetown, IL. I was scheduled to meet all three of them in one week -- mainly because my 3 mos. subscription to the service was expiring. Mr. Bloomington was OK, but the type of guy who wanted a long-term relationship. Mr. Indianapolis was great fun, but there were a few red flags -- a few years younger but never married.

Then there was Mr. Georgetown, IL .... and I didn't really want to date anyone who was outside of Indiana, but I took the chance and drove 1-1/2 hrs. to meet him at a Home Show where he was a vendor.

The story has a happy ending .... we married 20 mos. later -- that was 14 mos. ago.

Since I had been single for so long, the reality is I questioned my decision for the first six months of marriage. We went to visit a counselor for four sessions --- but, what he and I really needed to do was communicate better and learn how each of us does that. I needed to relax in the new relationship, surroundings, etc.

Any relationship needs nurturing, patience, and individuals who are willing to work at it.

Second Marriage After 23 years being Single - Part 1

When my only child left for college, I decided it was time for me to begin the search for my "life long" partner. I started looking while I pushed the shopping cart in the grocery -- reading that I should change my pattern and shop on Friday nights. I also thought about going to the laundromat, even though I had a perfectly good washer and dryer. Some other fleeting thoughts included joining a Single's Dance group, taking up golf for the first time, and going to a baseball game by myself. If you do the things you want to do as a couple, didn't it make sense to try it as a single -- and maybe someone else of the opposite sex would be there too? No.

Confided in my friends circle that I was interested in getting out there and dating pushing the 50 year mark. Family didn't offer any names or suggestions. I caught myself looking at my co-workers or people in the elevator where I worked.

I heard about "internet dating" and that seemed appealing. So, I ventured out there and completed my PROFILE. The hardest thing was to write your eye-catching phrase which would entice interested single men to view your profile. I was honest and expected the same. Not so in the real world .... Married men are lurking out there. Men also post photos that are 20 years old!

Part of the game was to get to know each other by email communication; and then move into verbal communication over the phone -- cell phone -- never your home number; but I didn't know that rule.

Stay tuned for Part 2.