Second Marriage after 23 years of being Single - Part 2

Short phone calls or long phone calls continued. Request to meet in person was the next step and making sure that the meeting was scheduled for a cup of coffee or lunch was the best consideration. If the "in person" contact wasn't as expected, then you could escape quickly. I would share my experiences with co-workers and friends; and we usually would laugh after comments like "you have to be kidding". One of my best examples was the following:

After reviewing my match's profile, I was excited that we practiced the same religion, enjoyed some of the same activities, and he wasn't a smoker. I talked to Mike for a couple of weeks and enjoyed hearing about his seven (7) grown children. We had similar age-related interests including music and movies. He chose internet dating because he was shy, didn't enjoy the bar scene, and wasn't interested in the swarming church women as he was a widower.

Mike and I decided to meet at Outback for dinner on a Friday night, and then go see a movie. When I approached the door, there was a gentleman sitting on the bench with a bouquet of flowers and smoking. I was surprised when he jumped up, quickly smothered his cigarette and handed me the flowers. I suggested that I would put them in my car as I didn't want to bring them into the restaurant (a little obvious) .... but, he followed me to the car, so I couldn't escape.

We went into the restaurant and was seated in a booth. During our initial conversation, I questioned him about smoking and he proceeded to tell me that he was trying to quit -- after smoking for 30 years! As our steak dinners were served, I was horrified to look across and discover that Mike didn't have upper teeth. He grumbled that he broke is plate a couple of months ago and hadn't been to the dentist for a replacement. Imagine sitting across from someone eating a steak without upper teeth!

I turned to see the hostess seating two women and a gentleman next to us. To my horror, I discovered the guy was one of my co-workers in the IT department. I couldn't look at him as I feared I would burst out laughing.

Mike and I continued to get to know each other and I asked many questions; so he would take more time. I glanced at my watch to make sure we would miss the movie we were planning to see; and it worked. After the bill came, I apologized that we would not be able to see the movie and I really wanted to get home --- alone.

Monday morning, my co-worker came to my cubicle and without a smile said, "you can do better than that". I agreed and didn't see Mike anymore.

There were several other meet and greets; and I dated a couple of them for a year or more each. During the time that I dated, I did not continue my internet dating subscriptions .... that is important! After each break-up, I needed a few months to regroup and figure out my next strategy.

The last strategy was to sign up for eHarmony --- yes, the cute couples who found each other and appear on the television ads. I met three guys on there and we talked on the phone, etc. One lived in Bloomington, IN, one in Indianapolis, IN, and the last one was in Georgetown, IL. I was scheduled to meet all three of them in one week -- mainly because my 3 mos. subscription to the service was expiring. Mr. Bloomington was OK, but the type of guy who wanted a long-term relationship. Mr. Indianapolis was great fun, but there were a few red flags -- a few years younger but never married.

Then there was Mr. Georgetown, IL .... and I didn't really want to date anyone who was outside of Indiana, but I took the chance and drove 1-1/2 hrs. to meet him at a Home Show where he was a vendor.

The story has a happy ending .... we married 20 mos. later -- that was 14 mos. ago.

Since I had been single for so long, the reality is I questioned my decision for the first six months of marriage. We went to visit a counselor for four sessions --- but, what he and I really needed to do was communicate better and learn how each of us does that. I needed to relax in the new relationship, surroundings, etc.

Any relationship needs nurturing, patience, and individuals who are willing to work at it.